I broke my oven. I broke it making a recipe that took too long as was not good. I knew it would not be good, but by the time the malfunction occurred I was closer to the end than to the beginning, so I bucked myself up, I used my downstairs neighbor’s blender and my upstairs neighbor’s oven, and I triumphantly, if only technically, completed my not-good recipe. Then I carried it over to where I was going and I set it down on a counter, making it, finally, someone else’s problem. Ah, the joy of cooking. And I didn’t even tell you about the mold.
Anyone can make a recipe. But how many among us can— how many of us dare— to bungle a recipe so badly that what was meant to be a normal batch of lemon bars becomes a seismic catastrophe? One whose force reveals (as catastrophes so often do) the strength and the humanity of our communities? It took a village— or, in this case, three apartments in a brownstone—to make those chalky chonks of asphalt. If we can accomplish that, well, then, by God, what can’t we do? To the moon, I say!
You know the saying: every journey starts with a thousand pitfalls. They say: you can’t fully love an ankle until you’ve broken it. They say: no one whose oven works ever climbed Everest.
This week’s querent and I are on different journeys, but I think we’re both at the start of something exciting. Read on! And, as always, let me help set you straight by sending me a question (anonymously) here.
Dear Sofia,
I’m a man interested in meeting a woman for a long-term relationship. I would enjoy more cuddling, affection, and physical intimacy in my life. But the fear of making a mistake and crossing a boundary or causing my dates discomfort keeps me from expressing that interest in physical touch even when I’m with someone I’m attracted to. When meeting a woman I’ve connected with on a dating app, I play it safe and don’t take risks, but that’s not working great. I guess there’s something nice about feeling wanted and perhaps me playing it too safe is resulting in the opposite of that. Lately I’m not succeeding at keeping someone’s interest for more than a few dates. The cause could be anything, but in a world of endless dating options, it seems like maybe I’m preventing myself from make a lasting connection.
What are some ways to start expressing interest physically and how might I know when it’s probably a good opportunity to try a step forward? When is simply asking her a good choice? What might that look like? Is asking ever too much? What else should I try? In short, how do I go about seeking this physical element in a kind way? Thanks for your advice!
Thanks for reading! A small bulletin:
I edited this week’s
. The theme is GROSS, and you can check it out here.I’ll be teaching another gag cartoon workshop at Drawing America on March 21st! Check back soon at the link for tickets.
If you felt anything at all during this reading experience— flatulence, condescension, dread— send a bit of it my way by plorping the buggons below:
Ever yours (that’s right, I’m your problem now!),