I take my role as advice columnist very seriously. The best way to give you sound advice, I figure, is to make a point of having experienced the entire range of possible experiences a human could have. For example, when you write to me asking what to do about having cheated on your wife with your best friend’s wife, I need to know what that feels like. That’s why I married Joanie and befriended Lou and Hallie: so I could tell you, with some earned authority, that the best thing to do is to never admit wrongdoing, take the dog, get out of dodge, change your name, and do better next time. Sorry, Joanie. Sorry, Lou. You didn’t deserve that. Come on, Buster: it’s time for your walk.
Still, occasionally I get questions that fall beyond my vast experiential domain. Usually I take a stab at them anyway, because I have a suspicion that you’re less interested in prescriptive advice than you are in letting me play in the sandbox of your question for a while. But this week, I’m trying something new: I’m calling in expert counsel. She’s, like, really, really good at making sandcastles.
This week’s question is about parenting, and I’m thrilled to have collaborated with Sarah Wheeler! Sarah is an adult human, mother, educational psychologist, writer, teacher-trainer, and former classroom teacher based in Oakland, California. She's the writer behind the fabulous Substack Momspreading, and a co-host of the podcast Mother Culture, both of which you should absolutely check out.
Sarah wrote this week’s response, and I illustrated it. Next week it’s back to just me, so send me your burning, itching, tingling questions (anonymously!) at this link.
Dear Sofia,
My family and I will soon be moving to a larger house, and my kids' rooms will be upstairs (we currently live in a small single-story house). They're in the 6th and 8th grades and play sports, take music lessons, etc. We tend to run in 4 different directions as a busy family, and I'm worried the increased distance at home will only splinter us further. I'm nervous to institute a recurring 'family time' (something more interactive than 'watching a movie') because if they're like 'UGH THIS SUCKS' it will break my heart. Plus, if we can't sustain it for whatever reason, it will send the message that togetherness isn't a priority. Any guidance on how to keep the fam...well, a fam?
Trogdor The Meek
Thanks for reading! If you’re trying to get in under the wire onto Santa’s Nice List, he just told me that he’s awarding double good points to anyone who smashes the buttons below.