Mystery: hot or not?

And you can't say both

Nov 15, 2023

This weekend, my oldest friends came to visit me. It was a biggish deal, because we grew up in the woods, and they still live around there, and, historically speaking, they have kind of hated New York City. It’s probably been five years since either of them came here.

But they came, because sometimes a relationship transcends your likes and dislikes! And because we are older and wiser and we’re softer around the hips and more tender around the heart, and even if you hate New York City, you can love it for a weekend, especially if I make sure the fridge is stocked and the sheets are clean and we never spend more than two hours without stopping for a beverage.

The (open?) secret of this column is that I am more or less saying one thing over and over again, which is: that life is hard and it will hurt and I don’t know anything but I will never regret loving, in ways big and small. There’s the Sparksnotes summary, for those of you writing a five-page essay for 10th grade English about this newsletter. For everyone else, forget I said that, and read on, read on.

This week’s question is about romance, and mystery. Will you send me your own (anonymous) questions, here at this link? My mother (who is perfect) has accused me of making up my questions (I would NEVER!), so it’d be great if it were really flooded with submissions by the time I go home for Thanksgiving, so I can prove to her for once and for all that I’m very, very important.

Dear Sofia,

My partner is completely mysterious -- quiet, careful with her words, takes time to process. I however, am an open book: effusive, emotionally vulnerable, immediately communicative. I worry that my way of being, which she finds charming at best and tolerable at worst, is evaporating the beautiful tension the sustains a romantic connection. How do I be my full self while reserving some things to be discovered?

Signed,
Oversharer